♥ Y'know what, fuck love.


Hai. I'm back to blogging, yeah. Blogging my hearts out this time. Back to that day, I was blogging happily because I was attached. But today, I'm blogging sadly because I am no longer attached.. :)

Yeah, once again. I got dumped. Dumped by someone whom I never ever fucking expected him to do that to me. Promised me that he wouldn't dump me, promised me that he wouldn't leave me alone, promised me that he wouldn't make me cry. Hah, promises? It's just a word, guys' promises are always meant to be broken.. Fuck it.

I really don't understand why, why did you want to do this to me? I very fun to be played with...? Or is that, all along, you were having the same intention with Glenn..? Already planned to do the same thing to me.. I really wonder..

I thought you wouldn't be the same as Glenn.. But I was wrong about you, you said you were the same, a playboy.. I was totally speechless. I trusted you so fucking much, seriously.. Yet this is all that I got back from you, tons of needles pricking through my heart every minute..

You said to me, "You should know, I really love you :(". But why? Why did you want to play me when I was so fucking serious about you... Frankly speaking, I was even more serious in you than I was to Glenn.. I love you MUCH MORE than how I used to love Glenn.. Really didn't expect you would do this to me..

For you, I lied to my family. For you, I sacrifice certain things. For you, I gave up on certain things. I did everything, just for you. But without even thinking, you chose to hurt me in the most cruel way.. Don't you ever know how hurt it could be?

I cried so fucking much over you, but you didn't seems to give a damn.. Not even on the account of being friend.. I ain't angry with you for dumping me.. I'm just merely angry that I fucking lost you as a good friend of mine.. Because I took you as my bestest friend who never fails to make me smile.. Yeah but now, everything's gone.. You ain't my boyfriend anymore, you ain't being my friend either.. You just totally shut me off, you just totally left my world without saying..

I really really hope you would think back on everything you did.. I don't know. I didn't gave up on you. I just merely gave up on myself, that's all. You were the one who gave me back the confidence and trust in relationships, yet now you're the one who destroys all my confidence and trust too.. :')

What should I even do? So what if it's just a merely 4days relationship with you? I still took it seriously, because I seriously love you. & so what if it's just 4days of love? I still can't fucking get over it so easily and move on with life just like that.. I can't fucking forget everything about you..

You meant so much to me. Everything that I had with you for that 4 days, really.... UNFORGETTABLE.. Especially the night when I slept beside you and you kissed and hugged me to sleep, nobody ever done that, I swear you're the first dude..

First hand held, 8th May. Infront of your family.
First hug, 10th May. Infront of your friends.
First kiss, 10th May. When you send me off in the cab, before I alight.
First cry, 14th May. You left me facing the world all by myself just by a text.

10th, 10th May 2011, 9:15pm.
You might not be my first boyfr, & you ain't my last anymore.
But you're the first guy, I really enjoyed myself with.
The first guy, who never ever once sweet talk me to get me.
The first guy, I ever wanted to love so badly.
The first guy, I ever stayed up for just to watch you fall asleep soundly beside.
The first guy, who ever pampers me that extraordinary way.
The first guy, who kept feeding me whenever you eat.
The first guy, who ever hug me to sleep.
The first guy, who ever held my hand so tightly to give me security.
The first guy, who's ever not afraid to bring me to show his friends & family.
& yet, you're the last guy who gave me such family warmth and love.

Whatever it is, you're one of the best boyfriend I ever had in my life.
Thanks for everything you've done for me, whether it's done in a true or fake way for me, I truly still appreciates it..

I cried badly for you the moment you wanna breakup. But, those tears I dropped for you, are simply what my heart is saying how much you ever meant to me. Sighs, just remember, I truly cares for you once, I truly loved you once, I was 100% true to you in everything once.

I know, you convinced me that you're just a playboy. But what? I still wanna love you. I know I'm silly. But whatever, cause I'm being silly JUST FOR YOU..

You successfully played me and dumped me aside crying like fuck alone and end up I got knocked down by car because I was crying badly and thinking of you that I didn't notice there's a car coming towards me.. See how much you meant to me? Fucking more than my life.

But anyway just remember, Your sucessfully played also means that you actually played with yourself unknowingly, because I was really loving and caring for you truly.. but you chose to play with me.. :') Yeah, I can't do anything if you really wanna do that to me. Up to you.. Since you already done your job successfully, congrats.. You win, I lost.. Happy? :')

I miss you boy, I really do.
But at the same time, You're really gone... :')

If I ever told any of your friends that I don't miss or love you anymore, believe it or not, up to you. Because I'll forever be missing you, cus it's the fact that I lost you forever... :')

Even though you're no longer here with me, no longer care about me, no longer love me, no longer talking to me anymore....

Just remember,

I'm being silly, because I will still be here for you always, and ever, secretly....

Please takecare, please think it through everything..

Bye 10th, Bye SeanLianJiaJun..

Bear in mind, there's always a girl named Rebecca, who will never ever leave you alone to face the world no matter what you did to her on the 14th May 2011, 937pm.. :')